Feelin' Beachy

Week 4 on the beach. It's been an interesting couple of weeks. I was picked up to help out with various proposals and pursuits, even put together a proposal on my own for the first time. Hopefully the VP likes it. I've never really seen a finished product, so I wasn't sure exactly what it should be. Ah well.

Last week was good. I started coming in to the office, which is actually somewhat lively during the week b/c October should be renamed Beach-tober. It's the down month for consulting, at least for the junior consultants. The officers are going crazy because it's pitch and plead time - they're frantically trying to get on everybody's budgets for next year, whether it be completely new clients, project add-ons, or just extensions of current projects. So that's where our beach work comes into play, and thus my location of the office. It's much easier to get everything done and cut your day off at a decent time if you work face to face. I was still able to get home to run on the trail in the last of the daylight, and I caught all the fave shows - oh, and I made dinner again. Man, I'm becoming a real culinary whiz. Well, maybe not, it was just tacos, but still.

Went out on Friday to a bar in Fort Worth where my friend's band was playing. Oh man - so we drive all the way to FW, only to pull up to this bar in the middle of nowhere, and I honestly asked the guys I went with if we were about to walk into a cult initiation. Interesting location. But then we walk in, and we are LITERALLY the only people there. And they charged us an $8 cover. $8!! Good bars don't charge that. Anyway, the show was good and the drinks were drunk. We ditched the cowboy ghetto and headed back to good ole uptown, where the cover is free but the drinks are $16, as it should be when you're wearing gold shoes. ;) Ended up having to crash at "the Deuce" because I was just in that kind of condition. Definitely did the drive of shame, followed by the elevator ride of shame. Fortunately, I only ran into a doctor coming off of a night shift, who I think was so tired he didn't even notice I was in the same elevator as him (and don't worry Ro, he's short). Played it pretty low key on Saturday, although I did manage to get my bike chain fixed. It completely broke when I went for a ride a few weeks ago. I took my bike in to the shop I go to, and the dude looked at it and said "well, i can repair it, which will cost about $10, but honestly...I"m not sure it's even worth it with this chain"!!! My bike is at least 20 years old, and the chain probably has never been replaced. So now I have a brand-spankin new shiny chain, on my old rusty dirty bike. :) That's awesome. I'm definitely going to go for a ride tonight if I get home before the sun goes down.

Sunday I went to church with Cav - well I was supposed to meet her there, but as is usual these days I just can't seem to get myself anywhere on time. Not sure why. I get up in time, but I've become more like my grandmother every day, and find myself doing things like rearranging my closet when I should be getting in the shower. But I digress. I couldn't find her before church, so I ended up sitting alone, but then we grabbed lunch together. It was so great to spend time with her. We've been friends since college, but it's always been more of a group thing, so I've not spent much time getting to really know her. I love getting to know people better, and seeing as how I consider her as a sort of role model, well, I just thought it was a nice time :) I haven't been going for long to her church, but I really feel like it's a good match, and man, this Sunday seriously pierced my heart. It was titled Longing for Love. Everybody has something that they believe is their one true love...money, big time career, family, or in my case, my future husband. But we can get so consumed trying to find that, and make it perfect, that we miss out on the perfect true love we already have. It was perfect timing for me. I've been fine since about December last year, but in the past couple of weeks, I have really started to be frustrated by the lack of a love life that I am experiencing. I haven't been on a date in over 2 years. It's not like I'm turning people down - I haven't even been asked out. I have lots of male friends, and most of them comment on my looks in a positive way, so I have to assume that I'm fun and not ugly. So I can't figure out what the problem is. And I really started to question God, and started asking why He didn't trust me to be in a relationship right now, why He couldn't just send someone to make me feel desirable. I hadn't lapsed into the feelings of desperation that I've experienced before...I'm ok with the fact that He hasn't presented a husband for me, and I've started to contemplate the notion that maybe he won't, which is less scary than it used to be. But seriously, going on a date does not mean marriage, and I was just longing for that first date experience - the giddyness of knowing someone likes you and wants to spend time with you. I think what it really comes down to is jealousy. I feel like I'm just as cute and fun as my friends, yet they always seem to be meeting people and going on dates, while I'm still dateless. When I go out with one of my best girlfriends, she's always being approached by guys, always. She has the "perfect life" in the eyes of lots of people. If I'm Leah, she's my Racheal. But then I kind of had a wake up call that while she gets approached by so many people, she still hasn't found her Mr. Right...and she has to go through the frustration of dating so many wrong people, and in all honesty, I think she's just as frustrated and miserable about that as I am about not having the dates. Great lesson that came at a good time for me, and I feel like it helped answer my requests to bring me back to focusing on fellowship and ministry. I'm going to try going to one of the young adults sunday school classes next week - they have one that works with the children at the church, and that's always been a place that I feel I can make the most of my gifts. I realize that I am so blessed to have a job I love, a beautiful home, amazing trustworthy friends and family, and a Father that loves and cares for me unconditionally.

Well, I figure I've talked enough now to make up for the lack of posts in the past week. I suppose I should probably mention that I did well on my GMAT. Not quite the 800, but I can definitely apply to all of the schools, so that's good. Thanks to all for your prayers and support!